For anyone who has been bitten by the golf bug, you know it’s simultaneously the most beautiful and frustrating game in the world.
You know that in any given golf experience, you’re going to have the time of your life — but also, probably, want to destroy some inanimate objects in an unbridled rage.
In golf, you’ll build relationships that will last a lifetime. You’ll discover the beauty of nature, become at peace with yourself and surrounding and accomplish feats you never thought possible for yourself.
Unfortunately, golf isn’t just a game full of intrinsic beauty, capable of producing life-altering highs and enjoyable nuances; it’s also mind-bogglingly hard and unable to ever be mastered. Because of this, it’s also the most infuriating game that is or will ever be.
When you stop and think about all the times you’ve played golf, how many rounds have you actually gotten through without feeling a certain way about a certain shot, certain outcome or certain unavoidable event? Every single time, right? Right.
Perhaps the most frustrating part is that, since golf is a gentleman’s game, you’re never allowed to react quite the way you’d like to, say, your group being paired with an unruly single or having your 3rd birdie putt of the afternoon violently lip out.
Surely, just the mention of these situations caused a visceral reaction from most of you. It’s OK — after all, if we did react to all of golf’s misfortune and bad breaks the way we wanted to, we’d probably be locked away in a padded room for a very long time.
Since all of the above is true, we’ve compiled a list of 12 of golf’s most enjoyable and aggravating moments, and the reactions we have (or would like to have) when we encounter them:
12. When You’re Offered Unsolicited Advice
Situation: We’ve all found ourselves in the unenviable situation of being in the middle of a round that is just spiraling uncontrollably into the 90’s and there’s just nothing you can do about it. This, obviously, is frustrating enough for you. Add to it “unsolicited advice guy,” and you’ve got a recipe for an angry outburst of epic proportions.
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11. When Your Buddy Says “Putt it” and You Still Pick Up
Situation: You and your buddy are playing a semi-competitive match. You’ve got a couple bucks on the round but nothing crazy. It comes down to the last four or five holes and on 16, you cozy up your first putt to about a foot-foot and a half of the cup.
Your “buddy” says, “you’ve gotta putt that” as you walk over to your ball. In your head you, think, “yeah, sure, fine — I’ll putt it” — so you nonchalantly tap the ball and miss the cup, then pick the ball up like you’ve done a million times before.
Your buddy informs you that the putt wasn’t good and that you lose the hole.
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10. When You Lie to Your Wife About Your Whereabouts to Play Golf
Situation: Your buddy calls you up on a Sunday afternoon — he’s scored a tough tee time at a private course you’ve been dying to play. The wife is out of the house but will be back in a few hours. If you leave now, you might be able to beat her back without her finding out that you’re playing golf — again.
So, you say yes and fly to the course. When your wife texts, you respond with vagaries and terse, one or two word responses, nothing giving away too much about what you’re doing. You race home after the round, quickly change and plop on the couch moments before she pulls in. Unfortunately, those messages and the fact that you’re out of breath has her spidey-senses tingling.
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9. When You’re Buddy Is Late For the Tee Time
Situation: You made the tee time a week ago. You checked in with your buddy last night and he confirmed he’s good to go for the morning. Now, the time has come for you two to tee off — but your buddy is nowhere to be found. He finally sends a text that says, “5 min,” but that window quickly closes and there’s still no sight of him.
Finally, from over the horizon, you spot his truck, kicking up a cloud of dust as he screams into the parking lot with barely enough time to switch from slippers to spikes:
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8. When You Meet an Attractive Lady Golfer
Situation: Let’s face it, guys — there’s nothing more attractive than a beautiful woman who can kick your tail on the golf course. So when you meet one at your local municipal course, let’s just say you’re smitten. It doesn’t matter if you’re married and completely disinterested in getting her number or you’re single and on the prowl, attractive women with great golf swings turn all men into high school losers who don’t know if they’ll be able to make their mouths form the word “hello” when the time comes to do so.
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7. When You Can’t Find Your Ball in the Wide Open
Situation: You hit a great drive that leaks just a little right at the end and out of the fairway. No worries though, as you’re sure you had a line on it and you know about where it’s going to be — but when you get there, you can’t find your ball to save your life. After about three minutes of patiently searching, your mood turns frantic as you mutter to yourself that you can’t believe this is happening.
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6. When the Group Behind Hits Into You
Situation: Unfortunately, hitting into and being hit into is just a hazard of the game. Usually, it’s not anyone’s fault in particular — just a circumstance of a blind tee shot or someone really getting a hold of his or her tee shot. Oddly, however, it always seems like a personal attack of the highest order. The golf equivalent of a “your momma” joke, as it were. Normally, you just politely say, “it’s OK” when they apologize, but more than likely this is how you feel:
(Warning: some language may be graphic — then again, it usually is on the golf course, too)
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5. When Your 3-ball Gets Paired with a Single
Situation: You and your buddies plan a 3-ball match for the weekend, but when you show up, there’s a single waiting to join you. Now, your inside jokes and little friendly bubble is about to be infringed upon by a stranger who is probably going to ask you not to smoke your cigar, want a hit off your flask, try to add anecdotes to your inside jokes and — worst of all — want to give you advice. It’s no wonder you react like this when the started breaks the news to you:
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4. When You’re the Single Being Paired Up
Situation: In golf, it pays to treat your playing partners with respect and not to be a pain in the rear when people get paired up with you — because some day, it’ll be you who’s being added to someone else’s group. When that happens, you generally are in for an awkward 18 holes. You want to fit in, but you’ve got little chance at clicking with the guys who’ve known each other their whole lives. It can feel a little overwhelming, for sure, and it feels a little like this:
Reaction.
3. When Your Buddy Sucks, but Keeps Making Putts
Situation: You and your buddy are playing a match, this time, for some good money. After about 10 holes, you realize you’re both tied — despite the fact that the kid hasn’t hit a green in regulation all day. You’ve been striping it, making the putts you need to but hitting every green and every fairway. You buddy can’t do anything right — but he Just. Keeps. Making. Putts. And that’s got him in position to take you down.
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2. When You Pull Off the Shot of Your Life
Situation: Golf is full of frustrating moments, sure — but it also provides some of the greatest feelings you’ll ever have. Luckily, we’ve all experienced the joy of a perfectly struck golf shot that ends up even better than you dreamed. Heck, you might even make a hole-in-one and get to savor the pure, unadulterated joy that comes with dunking your tee shot at the bottom of the cup.
Normally, golf is game that is carried out with some sense of decorum — but sometimes, you just can’t help yourself:
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1. When Your Wife Tells You to go Play Golf
Situation: You’re at home on the couch, you’re bored. Your wife has the day off but the two of you haven’t found anything to do for the day. You both keep half heartedly suggesting things like driving to the store or going for a walk or maybe getting dinner — none of which seem to motivate either of you to do anything.
Then — like the sun beams shining through the gray clouds trying to shut out its magnificence, your wife defeated, walks into the room and says, “if you want to go play golf, go. I’ve got some stuff to do around the house” or “if you want to go play golf, go. I think Janice is going to swing by to blah blah blah.” — Let’s be honest, you probably didn’t hear much past the 8th word of that sentence.
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